


Into the woods

by R3ads2MuchDouj1n



Category: American Dragon: Jake Long
Genre: Blind Date, Body Horror, Bogeyman, Dark Comedy, F/M, Gen, Graphic Description, Loneliness, Mostly Gen, Multi, Other, Past Relationship(s), Post-Canon, Psychological Horror, Sexual Violence, Sorry Not Sorry, Swearing, Violence, fairy godmother - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-30 13:37:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20098066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/R3ads2MuchDouj1n/pseuds/R3ads2MuchDouj1n
Summary: Set a few years after the finale, get over ti guys I was disappointed too, some new events transpire; warning there is an incel character in this work, but he's kind of the villain, well no he is the villain, so yeah. He's in there. Don't worry I don't let him talk much.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! If you're coming to this off the "blankets" series then uh, well sorry to disappoint, but this story just popped in there, and I couldn't find a way to make it using original characters. Hope you enjoy.

The floorboards creaked in the dark as Lev worked, his hands white from the egg-craie chalk, the smell of melted candy and dead roses permeated the stale air, he ran a soft plump hand over his shaved head, sweat dripping onto the open pages of the yellowing book; where inscribed in an unfortunate mix of Ancient Greek, Irish Gaelic, and Early French were instructions, which he was following to the letter, well mostly. He had added a few words here and there, to make the summoning more appropriate. For him that is. He looked between them frantically the drawings on the floor and the ones in the book, making sure he did not miss a single detail, and he did not.

He smiled a private smile, his eyes wide with excitement, he had it all ready, he'd put in the effort, for once the universe was going to reward his efforts. He stood up, dusting the chalk off on his green camo shorts, and began to read aloud the words. The room had no candles, all the light came from oil lamps he'd bought from some middle-Eastern home decor place, lit using the same materials that the Greeks would have sought out, and in that dim yellowish light his shadow was stretched and reflected all across the room, it consumed the ceiling and stretched over the door, and with him announcing and vocalizing in a guttural mixed language it made a surprisingly intimidating image, no longer was he a slightly pudgy boy who was, if one was honest, pretty average to behold, now he was a sorcerer, now he was in league with the shadows, _now_, he thought, _things are going to go my way_. 

The words were said, the oil flames grew with each syllable, until the new words were spoken, then the light faded somewhat, and even Lev noticed this, he stopped and looked down at his notes, the words he'd chosen took the place of the originals quiet well, perfectly in fact, but it appeared that to the spirit not a detail could be changed, Lev wanted to throw the book into the oil lamp flames right then and there, but stopped himself, _I'll just say the stupid words, wait till she shows up, and give her a piece of my mind, no need to hurt some poor man's life work_. And so he began again, ignoring his notes, and following the original script, beseeching first the furies to the pitiful state of the world, to see the lack of justice, then he appealed to someone named Dagna to drag his club, which he had for some reason, across the other world and root out the spirit he sought, then at last he called to that spirit, to seek out, and here is what he had changed; originally it had said seek out the most worthy within the polis, whatever a polis was, Lev's ancient Greek wasn't great; he had changed it to seek out the one who summoned it. Apparently that wasn't going to fly. The flames roared. The world spun. Light became darkness. Smells grew overpowering, Lev smiled and laughed like a maniac, spittle dribbling from the corner of his mouth as the rush of the world soared past him like an unkind wind.

And then it stopped.

Lev stood in the dark room, the oil lamps having gone out, and looked from side to side for the spirit, but all he saw was the room, and the offerings of melted sweets, and the burnt out oil lamps, and the circles and lines of chalk, and the book. And nothing else. He slumped to the floor, as if all the bones in his body had been removed. As he fell, the fall of his body created a gust which turned the pages of the book. He sat there for some minutes, not crying, not screaming, just feeling like someone had dropped yet another rock into his chest. Wanting to die.

When he turned over, he looked at the book, the book he'd stolen, the book that had been very difficult to steal because it had been guarded by some deranged old Chinese man who insisted on wearing blue robes around his TV shop, but he'd gotten it. And what had it gotten him? Nothing. The same nothing that dating would have got him. The same nothing that online forums had gotten him. He was so tired, and when he looked back at the pages, he barely noticed they were new.

But he did notice, he couldn't read them in the dark so he took the matches out of his pocket and struck up one of the oil lamps. He read. And his smile came back. Crooked and yellowing was his smile as he carefully read the words, this time in a more modern language, not one he spoke, but he could tell it was all one language. He recognized one word, it was the one word any American recognized as French; L'Amour.


	2. First time for everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So...after that. I figured we could all use some more...pleasant character interactions.

Rose felt her boyfriend's hands on her waist, felt him guiding and pushing her where she needed to go. The problem was that despite years of being an acrobatic warrior who fought monsters...which she'd never actually done..._and God alternative timelines are confusing_, she couldn't balance to save her life. And so, despite Jake's help she found herself once again on the pavement, with the skateboard he'd been teaching her to ride a few feet ahead of them. 

"You're getting better" Jake said, clearly trying not to look her in the eye,

"Yeah this time I only fell on my ass" she replied, getting up and rubbing said recently injured body parts "Jake, not that I didn't want to spend Saturday getting scraped knees...let me rephrase that" she said her face going red, as Jake shot a confused look up at her

"Why would you need to rephrase that?" he asked. _Oh God_, she thought, before taking off her helmet and letting her hair out, she could feel it was matted and sweaty from an afternoon trying to, well, trying not to fall down, she was about to start wringing out her braid when she caught Jake staring at her, not in a bad way, in a way she'd forgotten, and was always glad to remember, the way his features would go soft and that smile would creep onto his face;sometimes she kind of wanted to punch him for making her forget that. 

He quickly realized that he had been staring and turned his head away, coughing, very unconvincingly, into his hand, she put an arm over his shoulders and planted a kiss on his forehead, it was kind of the only thing she didn't have to bend down to kiss. He reached up to her, and for a second she thought about how many PDA laws they could break before a loud voice called out "Hey LOVEBIRDS!!! We're waiting!"

Jake sucked his teeth, as Rose clicked her tongue and both looked over to see Trixie, still in her iconic panda sweater, tapping one foot on the ground, arms crossed, outside of the bookstore they'd all agreed to meet at, Jake grabbed the skateboard, and as he reached around Rose to get the helmet she felt his lips brush against hers, and had it not been for Trixie she might have pulled him back from across the road and into the alleyway, but she took a deep breath and made a mental note to pay Jake a visit after they were done shopping. 

She crossed the hot asphalt, her white runners standing out against the black and yellow of the ground when someone in a beat up something nearly hit her, actually they did hit her, she just jumped on the hood, climbed over the peeling paint of the car's roof and landed on the other side in proper stance, she then walked into the store, but not before shooting a quick glance at the minivan and noticing that it had no licence plate. _Well, so much for that_, she thought as she felt the rush of AC and the smell of old paper that so often filled places like this.

Trixie was busy at her work her hands flying across the shelves only to put the books right back a second later, it seemed whatever she was looking for was not looking for her, Jake had been assigned the position of temporary bookshelf as Trixie kept piling up different volumes onto his arms only to throw them back in a minute, even from where Rose was standing she could see that Jake was tipping over. She caught him by the elbows, the tips of his fluffy hair gently brushing into her face, the warmth of his body surprisingly welcome in the AC, even the smell of his deodorant was pleasant over the old paper. Jake leaned into her, she leaned on him. Trixie coughed. Loudly.

They both looked over at her, Rose took half of Jake's book stack and followed after her, Jake trailing behind.

"Computer...late nineteenth century..come on..." Trixie kept muttering as they did a full circuit of the little shop, Rose wanted to ask what she was looking for, but for a variety Trixie never gave her straight answers, she wasn't clear if this was because they hadn't gotten along on the other timeline, or if Trixie just didn't like her, or, and this was probably the most likely one, she wasn't too keen on Jake dating a woman who'd, apparently, sworn to kill him at some point. Either way, she gave Jake a pleading look, and Jake moved his books to one hand and tapped Trixie on the shoulder. She nearly jumped out of her skin and shot him a look like a knife, he quietly asked "...So, Trixie, what exactly are we here for?"

She huffed then went back to her search, quickly adding "If Spud were here he'd explain it better..." a phrase that made everyone share a knowing glance, "but basically we're looking for a book about this lady lovelace" and with that deep dive into what they were doing Trixie went back to searching and muttering. Jake and Rose shot each other another knowing glance, Spud was a sensitive topic for Trixie these days, not that she or Spud were willing to say why, or be in the same room as each other.

It took three hours. To find one book. That had been in the store front the whole time. Jake had squeezed Rose's hand partly out of affection , partly so she didn't rip Trixie's head off.

Then Jake and Rose had run to his home, through the shop where Jake's grandpa was napping, through the back room where fu Dog was watching a game and muttering some chant about the Yankee's losing, up through every room in the house, which were all empty and finally back to Jake's room. Rose jumped him, pushed him down onto the bed and put her mouth on his, he put his hands on her back and pulled her close. She always enjoyed this, just coming back to his place for make out sessions, even though she hadn't technically lived it, she remembered having to sneak around in alleyways, lifts, and dreams, never having a home base where they could just be together, her hands in his rich black hair, his sturdy hands pressing into her. 

They lay there, sinking into the soft blankets on the bed, he felt his head resting against her shoulder, she could tell he was consciously trying not to touch her chest, she found it cute. She felt his hands plying with her braid, felt it flipping back and forth. She could have stayed like this forever, but then that thought popped in, that annoying thought that wouldn't leave her alone, and Jake noticed, he got up, looked her in the eye and asked point blank "What's wrong?"

"I wish I knew..." Rose started "But the people who things are wrong with will not explain anything"

Jake stuck out his lower lip a bit and looked up at the ceiling "true...but how do we get them to talk?"

"Well Trixie doesn't like me--"

"Trust, she doesn't trust you, and that's just leftovers from..." Jake looked away, Rose grabbed his hand. 

"I think I can handle Spud" she said

"Maybe Trixie won't be so difficult to deal with in Dragon form"

"Are we hatching a plan?"

"You know we just might be"

Rose bent up and gave him a quick peck on the cheek followed shortly by a loud girlish shrieking, they both looked over to see Jake's dad, just his dad, no little sister, no mom, standing in the doorway. Rose and Jake nodded quickly before she jumped out the window scaling their gutters, which really needed to be cleaned based off all the grime she felt on her palms, and found her way back home.

* * *

Rose stood on top of Spud, who was tied up, it wasn't strictly necessary but she'd learnt how to tie knots so tight water couldn't leak through them and...well, and she hadn't been able to knock him out. He was pretty quiet though, if anything he seemed okay with being tied up on a gravel rooftop in upper Manhattan. In sharp contrast, Trixie arrived in Jake's grasp kicking, screaming, and..._wait is that one of my old knives? _

Jake dropped her at a speed that should have caused some scarring but somehow Trixie got to her feet and resumed her stabbing attempts albeit with Jake now circling above the building. Rose looked up at the red stripe that was her boyfriend and shouted "I thought you were goign to negotiate first!"

"I tried! She wasn't into it!"

"So--"

"She caused all the flight problems!"

"Yeah..." Rose said, now looking over at Trixie, who for the first time since Rose had known her, looked scared, she marched over as the smaller girl held out the knife, _with terrible stance, who taught this girl how to stab?_ And Rose delicately yoinked the knife from her grasp. she raised her fists

"Oh please" Rose said, and Trixie slumped, then she looked over at Spud and ran for the roof's edge. Rose got her by the hood and despite a lot of kicking, swearing, and biting plopped her down in front the tied up man who was similarly squirming to get away from her, Jake landed and pushed him back. At long last the two were facing each other, and still not talking. 

"You have to say something" Rose groaned

"No we don't--Dammit!" Trixie shouted, Spud chuckled

"Oh so this is funny to you?" Spud shrugged and Trixie lunged at him, Rose had to hold her back, which wasn't hard, the girl wasn't exactly heavy. Jake changed back in a blue blaze and leaned down next to the brown-haired boy "Spud, man, can you just say what this is about?"

Spud shook his head from side to side

"He wants to motorboat one of my friends" Trixie said, causing Spud to lunge at her, which Jake struggled to stop, apparently a lot of that strength was only accessible in dragon form. Eventually they got Spud down and convinced Trixie that since she was already talking and they could very well just take her back up into the air now that she didn't have the knife...she should elaborate on that point

"Whatever" she muttered, before glancing at Spud "Story doesn't make _me_ look bad. K, so get this, few weeks back me and Spud are having a game session, we get a bet going, whoever wins owes the other person a favour; he wins. He pulls out a GODDAMN List. Of traits he'd like in a girlfriend and asks me to set him up--"

"Have you actually read the list" Spud's chill voice suddenly broke the narrative thread

"Well...I don't need--"

"Do you still have it?"

Trixie then sheepishly pulled out a ling strip of folded white paper from the side pockets of her pants. Rose promptly grabbed it and began to read aloud 

"Must: agree that Bioshock is good but overhyped, have good taste in food, approve of early Kanye, but express bafflement over...it, it just kind of goes on like that, it's mostly stuff about music and book taste"

Rose looked over at Trixie who was trying not to look at Spud, and failing, she eventually gave him a sheepish half-grin, and he gave her a most pronounced hairy eyeball, to which she replied "You. Pulled. Out. A list. What were you expecting?"

"So, you don't know anyone like that?"

"I mean...I might"

Jake let out a loud groan, rubbed his temples and in a brilliant blue light became a dragon again "Rose, you need a lift home?"

"Yup" she said as she mounted his back, leaving Trixie and Spud, who just realized they needed to get their own rides, shouting from the rooftop. 

"That's what they were arguing about?"

"That's what I interrupted our session for?"

"I mean my dad did interrupt it like five seconds later, so..."

"You wanna reschedule now that, That is dealt with"

"Depends"

"On what?"

"On whether or not you wanna take advantage of my ability to get us in and out of city limits before the sun comes back up"

__

* * *

Lev had been surprised when that Stacey-ass looking girl had jumped over his car, he had been even more surprised when such an obvious 10 wrapped herself around what would be generously considered a 7, but then he'd been on a mission so he didn't let the little things distract him. He'd gone right to the French-English dictionaries, all the while wondering, who's the lucky lady gonna be? He'd looked over at the living embodiment of Stacey, but he was full black-pill, he knew he was a 5, he was going to be realistic...and then she'd walked past, hair up in two pigtails, cute little panda shirt, muttering about computers and...well, no reason a 5 can't dream up about a 7.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for using incel slang in this but I just watched a documentary about them, plus ContraPoints video and well, some of the words are hard to forget.   
Really horrible words that I hate to use.   
But again, I am not being sympathetic to them, as later chapters will illustrate more clearly.
> 
> I have a cousin named Stacey and a friend named Becky. These words are strange to write.


	3. A mission, a blind date, and an attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So...stuff get's real.

Jake came back into the shop with his collar pulled up high to cover several newly formed hickeys, Rose was wearing a scarf for similar reasons. And the first thing they saw in the pink afterglow of a good session was Jake's grandpa strangling Fu. Jake grabbed his grandfather while Rose tended to the curious talking animal, all the while a bevy of Cantonese insults flew out from Jake's grandfather, most of which Rose understood, having grown up..._ugh timelines_, in Hong-Kong, sort of, ugh memories mixing! Focus on the present! Rose was about to question Fu about what happened when Jake's father decided to make an appearance.

"What the hey did...hi, rose" he said, clearly trying not to look at her or Jake, which was hard given that they were the ones holding the main sources of action on this scene; he was spared the embarrassment when the old man took advantage of Jake's weakened grip and jumped like a spring-loaded Halloween decoration, and Rose replied by kicking him in the face using the heel of her runners, he hit the wall, slid down and Jake leaned over, reached over and announced "Okay he's out, but he's got a pulse"

"Is he bleeding?" Rose asked 

"No"

"Okay does someone wanna tell me what in the sam hill is going on!?" Jake's father screamed, Fu coughed then began "Okay, this one is kind of on me..."

"Kind of how?"

"Because I might have been taking a nap when someone..."

"when someone what?" Jake said, his patience clearly thinning, it was at moments like this when he really resembled his grandfather

"When someone stole a particularly violent...spellbook" Jake sighed, he bent down and came back up with his grandfather "and this made him try to kill you--"

"For my own reasons!" the old man shouted, leaping up off the counter, Rose raised a leg again, and the white haired man landed a few feet short, scowling at Rose. He turned back to face Jake and in a more calm and measured tone "That particular book, has a long list of very volatile procedure, most of which deprive people of basic functions, like free will, and now someone, who knew where it was, probably what it was, has it. And you wonder why I want to strangle--"

"We both know why you're really--" Fu dog started, before the little dragon shot him a look, 

"...do we have anyway to track it?" Rose asked, hoping to make the energy become more productive, the dog began fumbling through his folds and produced a map, which really should not have fit anywhere on his body, Rose had a sinking suspicion that his skin had some sort of hammer space principal working for it. For some reason this map made the old man more angry, he grabbed it away "There's no sayign it will work"

"It's the first page that opens, it's always that page, you know that" Fu said, snatching the map back and opening it up on the floor, it was initially blank, the older dragon was about to roll it back up when the first black lines began to trace themselves, they started on Main street and spread, not like streets or traffic, but like tree branches, black and crooked and crossing to fill in spaces and when it was done it was a near perfect map of Manhattan. And a little white dot was moving across it, Fu smirked up at the old man who resentfully glared at him "doesn't say where the book is" he muttered. Fu looked down and saw that there was now on the map a patina of brown that covered the whole city "that's new"

"Probably hiding, so we need to go looking" the old man muttered as he walked up and out of the shop, Fu following after, leaving just Jake, Rose and his father, standing awkwardly, trying not to look at each other. 

"I'll see if they need my help" Jake said, running after the pair, Rose followed shortly after. Leaving his father standing there as if a bomb had just gone off and he'd somehow survived.

* * *

Spud sat on the steps of the New York Public Library waiting for his blind date, after Trixie had gotten the memo she'd been pretty enthusiastic about how it would all go down, and thus he found himself here, on a hot summer night wearing a corsage, which he was pretty sure was meant for women, but whatever, apparently this mystery woman needed and identifier for him. For his part, he was supposed to look out for a woman with "distinct" earrings, which was vague, and he was very grateful that for some reason most of the women in New York had chosen tonight to go without ear decor. 

He was sweating, he almost couldn't smell the cheap hot dogs and sewage over how much he was sweating, the smell of his sweat was so suffocating to him, surely it was suffocating to everyone else, was that why no one was talking to him? _Calm down_, no maybe it was the fact that he smelt that sweaty and his clothes were so baggy, Calm Down, maybe he should just go hom--_WOULD YOU STOP THAT!?_

_Right, _he thought,_ no one else notices these things but you._

"um, hello?" a voice said, he looked up and saw two huge gold star bursts beside a perfectly shaped face. She was radiant, loose black curls spiraled off or her and ran all the way down her back, her ebony skin shone in the moonlight, the pale blue sheer fabric flowed around her like she was made of clouds, it took Spud a solid minute to realized he'd been staring, "um yes?"

"What are you doing on the steps?"

"Sitting" wow, way to be polite, she chuckled a little and sat down next to him, her gown billowing around her, she leaned her head back and frowned

"I hate coming into the city" she looked over at Spud, head tilted, a luxuriant simple sadness painted all her features "It's just so hard to see anything worth seeing"

Like you? he thought, 

"Like the stars" she smiled, pointing his eyes up, by lifting his head from the chin, "Can't see a damn thing can you?"

"I can see that one" Stupid

And indeed there was one solitary star burning bright in the sky of blue-black night "seems lonely" she said

"Maybe it helps to bring it out more, if you could see them all, would appreciate that one?" he asked, looking back over at her, the whole night sky reflected in her eyes, she looked at him, and smiled, her radiant curls bouncing as she got to her feet, she had a hand on his

"I'm supposed--" she turned his wrist over as she lifted him off the steps, and ran her other hand, with it's long painted nails over the corsage, gently massaging the flowers "you know normally it's the girl who wears this, but" at this she looked him dead in the eye for this "I respect a bold man"

And Spud followed where she lead him, trailing after her curtain of black curls and the soft scuffle of her sandals on the concrete.

* * *

Jake and his grandfather circled Madison square garden for the fifth time, Rose riding on his back, she'd gotten more used to flying, she no longer gripped at Jake's hide like she was trying to rip it off, Fu was also on his back, he was still trying to make sense of the brown fog, and Jake didn't blame him for trying, but wished he'd get it solved faster. because so far they'd hit up every sorcerer and back alley street magician on the island and Jake was thoroughly sick of the smell of incense by now. Rose patted him on the side and he felt himself loosen up, felt himself soften and lean in to her touch. 

A loud cough from Fu ruined the moment but other than that it was wonderful, having her back was wonderful, though he still wasn't clear on how much of what she remembered sometimes she said things that hadn't happened in his memory, sometimes she recalled exact pictures of the huntsclan, he was never sure if he'd done more harm than good by jogging her memory; but it was a lot easier to be alive with her around. 

Again Fu coughed, killing the mood, and again, oh he wants something.

"Yes?"

"Pull up ahead, I need to talk to you grandpa"

Jake did, his grandfather seemed in a particularly stormy mood so keeping up with him was challenge, but he did it. 

"Lao"

"Dog"

"Nice, look I can't get this thin--"

"Maybe you're not trying hard enough"

"I know you don't want to, but she did make this map, maybe she can fix it"

"There are only five real sorcerers who'd know about this book left, after that it should be fairly easy to run down a suspect" and with that Jake's grandfather flew up and ahead.

* * *

Spud was spinning, specifically he was being spun, the girl with the starburst earrings was swinging him around as part of a tango, a dance that he had no idea how to perform yet found himself doing, badly, and enjoying it,a wild, strong, star and cloud goddess tossing him around like a rag doll, laughing, and he couldn't help but laugh along with her.

* * *

Trixie was walking home from the library, she'd given Spud the corsage that her friend was supposed to gush over before taking him on a date, she felt warm, like she'd accomplished something, like she'd put some good mojo out into the universe and it was coming back to her already

* * *

Lev wrapped the chloroform covered cloth over the girls mouth and dragged her away, the book said this had to be done in a wood place, and so he threw her into the back of his minivan and made his way there 


	4. To all things an end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am runnign on pure creativity and TEA right now, LEt's Do tHiS!!!
> 
> ...
> 
> sorry.

Jake was getting tired, his wings ached, a special kind of ache that could never be equated to any human kind of ache. Even Rose gently rubbing circles into his...shoulders? Whatever, it wasn't cutting it, his grandfather didn't want to whatever this was, see whoever it was that would make this go better. But Jake could see the circles forming under his grandfather's eyes. And he could tell he'd like a break, they'd rushed into so many wizards lairs and sorcerers dens, and they were all out, a plan was shaping in his head, and he needed only to get the ball rolling 

"Fu?"

"eh? What? I had four aces your deck has--"

"Fu!"

"HEY! What is it kid?"

"Any progress on the map?"

"Haven't chekced"

"Say there is so we can stop on a roof or something I need a break"

"Sounds like a plan, Lao! Breaking developments on the paper front! I need a flat surface!"

And with that they landed on the gravel rooftop, Jake curled up on the gravel while Rose slid off with Fu in her arms, Jake closed his eyes wrapping himself in the luxury of darkness, until his eyelids were forcibly opened by the little ball of rage he called grandpa.

"Jake! We need to move!"

"why?"

His grandfather simply held up the map, which was different, it took Jake a minute to realize just how, the thin yellow paper was turning pink, dripping deep red goop, thick red blood fell. 

"Rose,get back on"

"Why, you know what that means?"

"No, but general rule of thumb when magic objects start bleeding, assume the worst"

* * *

Spud and the girl who he was fairly certain was an angel were running through the streets of New York with their pockets full of Carnival candy and stuffed animals, he was laughing, he had to give Trixie some kind of gift for this. She stopped. She tapped her foot, he was confused, but then he looked up, and saw a great midnight blue mass of scales and long white whiskers, Jake's grandpa, he was trying not to look at her. 

"Lao shi, it's been a while" she said, her voice suddenly had an edge he hadn't heard before. 

"so it has" Jake's grandpa sounded sheepish, at least as sheepish as a dragon could sound, he coughed "something's come up"

"I assumed so, I wouldn't be here otherwise you old fraud"

anger suddenly crossed the dragon's face "WAIT. Do you think I would--"

"Well no one else has the book--"

"Someone stole the book!"

"Oh you couldn't even--"

"Don't you start with me--"

"I gave you one job!"

"And I did that job for close to sixty years!"

"wait what?" Spud said, the woman of stars and clouds tensed, Lao shi tensed, then the woman relaxed into nervous energy

"Wait, if you didn't call on me...?" she began

"And we can't find who did"

"And they probably expected me"

"And it bleeds" at this the woman grew angry, not at Lao shi, not at Spud, not at anything visible, just angry, even though Spud couldn't see her face he could tell she was scowling

"let me on" she said, he lowered his great scaley body as she climbed up, before they flew away she shouted down to Spud "Do Not Follow!"

But Spud had a hard time following orders, and chased them, followed that blue streak in the sky, as it traveled to the center of Manhattan.

* * *

Trixie woke to an ugly sight, not the guy, he wasn't...awful, not great either, but just kind of meh, no what was ugly was the giant dug pit from which the gnarled worm infested roots of various trees poked out like the teeth of some Leviathan monster, and she was suspended over it, by ropes, while the guy was busily killing chickens and writing stuff, words in unfamiliar alphabets, in their blood, she tried not to puke. Then she realized something, she was wearing her #iconic panda top, but someone had put her into a pair of short shorts and taken her shoes..._I don't like where this is going_, she thought. 

The man turned to face her, he didn't say anything, just kept killing things and checking this big-ass old book full of some very graphic pictures of what looked like a lot of women in various stages of being undressed by anthropomorphic nightmare...things, _I really don't like where this is going_.

* * *

They rushed over the city, lights and skyscrapers flying by until they stood over central park, the woman jumped off Lao Shi and he reflected on how he was not going into that park for a few weeks after this.

* * *

Lev looked over at her, she wasn't perfect, but that was something he could fix. Well that Fairy Godmother thing was a bust, but then again, it had lead him here, with a 7 he'd never have been able to talk to, about to be able to get her to do anything he wanted. He looked over at her, he couldn't wait, there was finally some justice int he universe, and all it cost him was some sticky chicken blood on his fingers. 

**Cunt.**

"What?" he said, looking at the girl, _she shouldn't be able to talk yet,_

**Little Bitch.**

He turned again. no one but him and the chickens and roots.

**Get Fucked.**

He went back to those chickens, his fingers feeling for the stinky soft white feathers, only to find dirt, he looked again, maybe there were wild dogs in the park, or foxes, he'd heard they had those in Central Park. He grabbed the knife he'd used to cut the girl out of her pants, he'd had to wait, not for much longer though--

**I Hope They Rape You.**

What the fuck? "What the--"

**You Think You Can Do This? You Think You MAN Enough....**

there was chuckling now, not like a human chuckling, a chuckling that rang and sang and echoed off the trees and in Lev's ears, it was thunder. 

**...Who Am I Kidding You KNOW You AINT, IF YOU WAS, YOU WOULDN'T NEED TO DO THIS TO GET YO' WICK DIPPED**

There was a slap, it hit Lev from behind, upside his head, it knocked him to the ground. , he heard creaking like his floorboards, creaking like laughter, he felt something wrap around his ankle and he turned...and he regretted it, he saw something horrible a wooden face or rotting moss-covered mask, snapping big carved Jack-O-Lantern teeth at him, it's eyes were empty, but it's mouth was a membrane of greenish black mucous full of odd teeth and slime, it was pulling him into the roots, hands shot up, children's hands, small and writhing, the thing, the wooden slimy thing that looked like it crawled out of a bog pointed to them and a long black tongue emerged from it's mouth. 

This cannot be the last thing I see, he thought as he looked into the abyss, then he looked away and saw something, someone, a boy, maybe his age, younger, brown hair beanie, he looked horrified, Lev felt the thing let go of him and suddenly an absolute 10 in some weird dress--

**OKAY ENOUGH OF THAT**, said the voice, perfectly in time with her mouth, her star earrings bouncing with each word, she snapped her elegant fingers and Lev felt hands again, this time though they were smaller, grabbier and then he felt teeth, and then they pulled him back, he cried from pain, he cried out curses, he begged, he insulted. 

And then he was gone. 

And so was the pit.

And the children. 

But the woman remained.

* * *

"So, I take it you aren't Trixie's friend?"

"I mean, I'm the friend of all well-behaved children..."

"What happened to her?"

"She decided to bail, thought she had a zit bigger than saint Louis, she didn't, she would have been a good match"

"Then, why--?"

"You seemed okay, then you turned out to be...worthy, shall we say"

"So, which are you? Fairy Godmother or Bogeyman?"

"Whoever said they were different people?"

"Did you always--?"

"No, actually when Lao Shi knew me I was posing as a Mainland Chinese woman"

"So, then what do you actually look like?"

"No idea, I'm too old to remember"

"...so, does this mean no follow up date?"

"Not unless you're up for dating an ageless quasi-goddess who eats people like that"

"...I might be"

"Why?"

"My best friend is a dragon, I've lived through multiple timelines, and I was a frog for a solid week...let's at least see how bad this gets"

"Hey" Trixie shouted from across the clearing "I love that y'all are having a moment, but can SOMEONE. I don't care who. Cut. ME. DOWN"

"I'll get this" Spud said, the woman's eyes followed him as he picked up the knife from he ground and gently cut his friend's bonds away, helping her to the earth.


End file.
